Choices as an adult can be fun or one where you wish someone else was making the decisions for you. Holding your hand and guiding you throughout the process. How lucky are we to live where we have the freedom to choose what works for us. The ability to think for oneself. When confronted with Multiple Sclerosis what do you do? You think about the person in the wheelchair or the story of Gina's husband. Things that you associate with MS.
Being Dan's wife, I am centre stage watching how MS has changed his life. I remember the guy I met and fell in love with on that hot summer day down by the river. He was bold; he was big, he was my Big D! Today, I hear and see how much his body has changed over this year. From being 240 pounds to 175, Dan has shrunk. Sometimes you think his personality did too.
When you love someone so strong, you only want the best for them. When it's not your body, it gets harder when decisions need to be made. Hearing the neurologist share Dan is not improving. July's MRI shows the lesions have increased in his brain and are growing bigger each passing moment. All I wanted to do was grab Dan and hold him tight and protect him from anything further. But as an adult and only having minutes in that small yellowish cubicle with the neurologist, I sat back in the gray tweed like chair, and my mind wandered. Thinking of the last six months.
Now quick decision making is required. No time to create lists. Questions are limited based on time, so Google is suggested to explore further. What do you do when your future has speculations, and your possibilities are shortened compared to the rest. Drug therapy has never been our favourite topic or one we sought to help Dan cope with his MS. Pressure builds and tensions forms when put on the spot for a quick answer. Maybe a little pushy on the time frame. So like many people who are placed in fear Dan decided to follow the route of drug therapy. Me, skeptical of the process and unsure if this is the best route for Dan, I tell my heart to be quiet, and I allow my mind to listen to the possibilities that this drug will bring back my husband. My Dan, the one others and I miss dearly. The man we knew before MS.
Looking for a wishing well to send my wish directly up to the sky hoping for it to be answered. All I can do is pray for a miracle that something good will come from this. Believing that all will work out for our highest good and Dan will be okay with whatever route he chooses because he is loved. To be continued…