FINDING PEACE IN THE LITTLE THINGS
We were two adults walking out of the University Hospital of Northern British Columbia. I was slightly walking ahead of Dan. The hot summer sun was sizzling on the pavement. Sweat was making it harder to see with tears building up in my eyes. I wanted to find our car as quickly as our bodies could move. I didn't want an audience watching me crumble or Dan to see my pain. How bad I wanted to scream the "f" word and hold it there for the world to hear and know how much Multiple Sclerosis has changed our lives.
Dan's most recent MRI shows his brain like a lit up Christmas tree. Multiple Sclerosis has progressed further into his body. One year later, six months of a fairly clean diet, the news took us both by surprise. Neither of us thought things could get any worse for Dan. At times my ears floated away during the appointment. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I may lose the love of my life, and I don't know where to start. Getting angry has gotten me nowhere, just more things to ask for forgiveness.
The more I throw my frustrations out in this world, the more regrets I have to relive. Ducks! What else to say. Being angry takes away precious time to form memories together or feel the love between us. So I think of ducks. A beautiful creature to watch. Ducks are calm but bold when responding to their environment. The power of a duck's wings is like the dance of life. I am flying high or I am down low. The less I concentrate on being angry and think of the good times the less MS can break us. There is a saying when you change your thoughts from negative to positive magic happens. So, instead of freaking out, I will think of ducks, and see where we are at next summer.